home Archive The Amazing Race: All Stars, March 18th – We Came to Win, Not Sissyfoot!

The Amazing Race: All Stars, March 18th – We Came to Win, Not Sissyfoot!

As Teri and Ian are arriving at the wrong market for the coal, they’re arriving at the one for painting nails, the beauty queens arrive on the mat, and Phil declares them team #2 and “Pretty in Pink in Mozambique.” Oswald and Danny catch up to the Guidos in filling and sewing bags, and decide it’s because they’re younger and faster. They go on to start delivering their bag, and just after Team Guido does the same. They get a local to take them to the correct address as Bill carries the bag on his head.

Teri and Ian, realizing they are at the nail polish Detour, decide they may as well do that while they’re here. When they struggle initially to find patrons, Ian says they should have done the coal. They finally get a customer, and it’s Ian that is the true salesman here. He asks for 30 Meticais, and being told too much, is offered 20 by one person and 10 by another. They take it. They only need to paint two people’s nails, while the others did many more. Mirna and Charla didn’t ask for a certain price, and just let the locals pay them whatever they wanted, or so it seemed.

Teri and Ian finish, as do Oswald and Danny and Team Guido. Had Teri and Ian persevered to find the right market, they’d still be filling bags. This was the better choice, no matter what Ian says. Uchenna and Joyce finish their bags and take off for the delivery. Danielle and Eric are still working on their bags, wondering how they got so far behind. That would be because you turned left instead of straight, and didn’t make U-ee until it was far too late. As Danny and Oswald get back in the car to take them to the pit stop, Danny asks if being all covered with soot, if he looks like Rambo. Oswald tells him he looks like a faggy raccoon.

Uchenna and Joyce are still looking for their address as Eric and Danielle finish filling and sewing and grab local kids to take them to the address. Eric says he has the bag of coal on his back and can’t run as fast as the kids. Eric and Danielle deliver the bag, and Uchenna and Joyce see them and wonder how they finished so quickly, until they see the kids, and realize they had local help. Uchenna and Joyce finally find it and deliver their bag.

Teri and Ian arrive on the mat in third place, and Ian says he can’t believe it. Danny puts his dirty hands on Oswald’s face, who tells him not to get him dirty. Danny asks if he wants to stop and change or shower. Team Guido follows a cab, but is taken to the wrong place. Oswald and Danny run into the pit stop, and Oswald runs up to Phil saying he’s going to hug him, soot-covered and all. Phil actually starts running around, and Oswald and Danny chase him. It’s one of the funniest things I’ve seen here in awhile. They are told they are #4, and Phil admits to being surprised that they went for the Detour with the coal. Oswald says they came to win, not sissyfoot.

The cabdriver stops and Team Guido get out to talk to him and decide to keep following him, despite the fact they don’t think he knows where he’s going. Joyce hopes they’re not out of it, and Uchenna says they need to be ready to run like crazy. Everyone is expecting a foot race and as Team Guido and Eric and Danielle arrive, Eric yells to Danielle, “Beat the Guidos, damnit Danielle!” Danielle is too slow for the older guys, and Team Guido is declared #5 and Eric and Danielle #6. Joe’s pretty happy, saying they competed in a foot race with Eric and Danielle who are like Olympic athletes, but they outran them. Eric thinks they should have beaten the Guidos, and says they remind him of old women past their prime. He figures they got beaten by a bunch of queens. Can I say it one more time? I do not want him and Danielle to win.

Uchenna and Joyce run in to the pit stop, and I’m thinking it has to be a non-elimination leg. I was wishing for it last week with Romber, so it has to be this week. They are pronounced the last team to arrive, and Phil tells them it’s a non-elimination leg. Joyce jumps up and down and says she loves when he says that. They are marked for elimination, meaning they need to arrive first in the next leg, or will incur a thirty minute penalty. Uchenna says the threat of elimination rides on their shoulders, and he doesn’t like being in that position, yet it means they need to never let up. Joyce knows they are with competitive people here, and thirty minutes could be disastrous. They say they can make miracles happen just as they did on their last race.

Anyone that doubts Uchenna and Joyce didn’t watch them on the last leg of their last race, as they went from last place, having no money, and hours behind others, to winning. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind if they did it again. It’s still, though, anyone’s race. For several weeks now, we’ve been expecting Charla and Mirna out of it, but they’re not only in it, they’re in first place. Anything can happen on this race.

Thoughts about the show? Email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com

For more on Rob and Amber, see The Latest on Rob and Amber and My Review of Rob and Amber: Against the Odds. For more on Uchenna and Joyce, see Uchenna and Joyce


Freelance entertainment and tech writer, editor