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Freelance entertainment writer, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.

The Amazing Race: All Stars, March 18th – We Came to Win, Not Sissyfoot!


The clue Nelson uncovered says the teams will now travel by car back to town and search for a building called Praca dos Trabalhadores. As they leave, Team Guido thinks maybe when they retire, they’ll get jobs here as rat trainers. Bill thinks Guido the dog is just a little bigger than the rat with Joe joking he’s a “rat terrier.” Uchenna’s rat find the route market as Ian does his best James Cagney, “You dirty rat …” Ian and Oswald finish, as does Eric. Charla says she is waiting for “Twinkletoes” to find the clue. As he stops for a little hygiene time, she says it’s not really the time to clean himself. Eric finishes, followed by Dustin, leaving Charla out there alone.

As all the other teams are finding that the sign to Maputo includes directions, left or straight ahead, Team Guido and Oswald/Danny go straight, as all others turn left. Charla’s rat finds the clue, as Mirna says they’ve been in worse situations before, and have always managed to make up the time and stay in the race. Well, all except during their last race. If I’m not mistaken it was the egg-eating that did them in. Team Guido are the first ones to reach the destination, as everyone else turned the wrong way. They find a Detour – Pamper or Porter.

In Pamper the teams will make their way to the central market and choose nail polish kits, convincing people to let them paint their nails. They will need to earn 30 Meticais, the equivalent of approximately $1 in US currency. This is a job usually done by men in Mozambique. In Porter, teams will make their way to the Mercado Janet, and use their hands to fill ten large forty-five pound bags with coal, and will then sew them shut. When finished, they will need to deliver one of the bags to a specified address to receive the next clue.

Team Guido decide to do the coal in the bags, as they’d rather haul things, since painting nails seems pretty weird. Oswald and Danny arrive and decide to do coal as well. Eric and Danielle are lost, with Eric yelling out the window looking for directions. Charla and Mirna reach the Maputo sign and go straight. Dustin and Kandice, lost, decide to now do their own thing, since no one they were following seems to know anything. Teri and Ian break off from the pack as well.

Charla and Mirna are the third team to arrive at the Detour and, not surprisingly, decide to do the manicures. I’d hate to see Charla struggling to carry a 45 pound bag. As they paint a man’s nails, they tell him his wife will be so happy. Team Guido works filling the bags, and Joe tells Bill after they get a few filled up, he’ll keep filling while Bill switches to sewing, since he can sew better. Bill complains it’s hurting his hands. Danny notices while driving that today is Worlds AIDS Day, and says his ex, Nelson (not the rat), died of AIDS, yet he will always be with him.

Uchenna and Joyce decide on doing Porter, and as Oswald and Danny start filling bags, Bill is still complaining, and says he wishes they had chose painting nails, as his manicurist is definitely angry at him now. Dustin and Kandice decide to paint nails (duh), and Eric and Danielle finally decide to do a U-turn, realizing now they are going the wrong way. Teri and Ian are getting directions, still trying to get there as well.

Charla chases after someone to pay her for painting his nails, and then decides they should count the money to see if they have enough yet, and they do. Their clue sends them to Fortelaza, the oldest building in Maputo, and the pit stop. Charla and Mirna can’t believe men were letting them paint their nails, and Charla decides they must be metrosexuals. Mirna declares they have them everywhere in the world. Honestly, I could do without their social commentary.

As Team Guido is still working on filling the bags, and Bill is still complaining, Charla and Mirna arrive on the mat in first place. Charla jumps up to hug her cousin and they both fall to the ground. Mirna says just because someone is a little shorter or a little skinnier doesn’t really matter. They’re a good team and work damn hard. Coming in first lets people have more respect for them. She feels it’s a wonderful thing to accomplish. Nope. Still don’t want them to win. Phil points out it’s their “first” first, which brings up questions of why they are the best of the best.

Eric/Danielle and Teri/Ian arrive at the Detour, and both choose Porter, with Ian thinking he’d have a hard time convincing people to allow him to paint their nails. Team Guido is still at work filling and sewing bags, as are Uchenna and Joyce. A little girl comes up to Kandice to get her nails painted, but has no money. She paints them anyway, taking time away from the Race to do this. Okay, the beauty queens have never ever been favorites of mine, but this act warms my heart. If they won the Race, I wouldn’t be upset, but I wouldn’t jump for joy either. They finish the task, happy with their choice, saying it’s so much more fun than doing the coal. No kidding, people that started way before you are still working on their coal. Then again, I think pretty blonde girls are an anomaly here, and it probably went quicker in some ways because of this.


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