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Freelance entertainment writer, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.

The Amazing Race: All Stars, March 18th – We Came to Win, Not Sissyfoot!


The beauty queens get their beacon and catch up quickly. Oswald and Danny say that because of their Cuban culture, they yell at each other and take turns getting cranky. Oswald says here he is starting to lose patience. Eric and Danielle are the third to find the clue and Danielle also asks where Mozambique is. Finding out, she says, “Oh, what fun!” Charla thinks she’ll have an easier time searching for the beacon since she’s lower to the ground. Teri and Ian are the fourth to find their clue, while Oswald and Danny think they lost their signal because they went too far. Charla and Mirna are the fifth to find their clue, while Team Guido is already at a travel agent.

Dustin and Kandice find the clue, leaving only Oswald and Danny searching, and as they try to concentrate on only themselves, and not the fact that they’re the only ones left, they call it the neverending clue, and declare that it sucks. They start to lost patience and say they aren’t stupid people. Uchenna and Joyce arrive at a travel agency and make a reservation that will have them landing at 9:40. Oswald and Danny finally find the other beacon, and Oswald slides down the mountain on his butt. The two decide that on this leg of the race, they have learned that if you’re ever caught in an avalanche, you should never count on Oswald and Danny to get you out. I would not mind it at all if this team won. They seem to always be fighting for it, as much as Romber were, and they have a great spirit about their time in the race as well.

Eric and Danielle are told at a travel agency that there are no flights to Mozambique, but the agent isn’t sure if maybe it’s just her system. Dustin and Kandice are also at a travel agency, and as they see Charla and Mirna walk in, they plead with the agent to make sure they get their tickets before the cousins are helped. As Oswald and Danny walk into a travel agency and are spotted by Teri and Ian, Ian decides Oswald and Danny race very similar to him and Teri, with character and honor. Teri adds in they speak Spanish too. The two teams decide to work together. Okay, I wouldn’t mind Teri and Ian winning it either.

By the time all is said and done, everyone ends up on the same 9:40 flight, and all discard the notion of taking the 3:00 flight. At the aiport waiting for their flight, Team Guido shops in what I can only imagine is a duty-free shop, prompting me to sing the song George and Kramer made up, “Got to stop at the duty-free shop!” It’s impossible for my me and my sister to go through an airport and not sing this. Joe and Bill proceed to spray every single cologne on themselves, deciding they will smell like french whores.

Once the teams touch down in Mozambique, they will choose one of the marked cars with drivers, and make their way to Apopo Training Field to find their next clue. Uchenna and Joyce are the first to arrive, and find yet another place that isn’t open yet. Eric and Danielle pass the car carrying Team Guido, and say that they aren’t making fun of them; they just do it to be annoying.

As all the teams are at the training field waiting, Joe tells Eric and Danielle to watch their speed. Eric says they weren’t speeding, just joking, and Joe tells them they should watch their joking then. After Eric and Bill argue, Team Guido walk away saying, “Peace, peace, peace.” Erik answers, “Freaks, freaks, freaks.” Bill explains he and Joe won’t allow negativity to come in their way. He knows Eric just wanted them to yell in front of the other teams so they would look like the bad guys, but he notes they aren’t going to go there. I would not mind the Guidos winning, and I still don’t want Eric and Danielle to win.

Once inside the training field, the teams find a Roadblock. One member of each team will need to get up close and personal with a rat. Rats here save lives by locating leftover landmines. The person doing the Roadblock will get a rat and will wait for him to signal he’s found a landmine, and when he does, the racer will then dig for the race marker. Seriously, that’s the Roadblock. Uchenna says right away he’ll do it, and Danielle can only say it’s huge damn rat, meaning Eric will do it. I”m thinking he wouldn’t want her to use her boobs on this one. Charla, Ian, Dustin, Oswald, and Joe are the other Racers doing the Roadblock.

Joe asks what the rat’s name is, and finds it’s Nelson. Joyce is seen excitedly saying, “He has a collar! That’s cute!” The rats are on a rope strung across the area, and the Racers need to pull them along as they search. Oswald tells the rat after he finds the landmine, he’ll take him to a nice lab and make it up to him. Ian says he became very afraid in the military of rats, as they were all over in the bunkers, but he’s finding them friendly today. Mirna tells Charla the rat is just like a cat. Dustin decides her rat is all about eating breakfast, as Joe’s rat is the first to find a race marker.


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