In the past, I have used this column as well as my recaps of [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/magazine/artindex.php?category=17]Flavor of Love (aka Tastes Like Crazy)[/url] and most recently, [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/magazine/artindex.php?category=30]I Love New York (aka I Love The Crazy)[/url], as a platform for political and social views. Many a time I have railed against arrogance, thuggishness, how you shouldn’t compare yourself to a serial killer, and the adverse affects of watching too much Seacrest. However, today I contradict myself. Today I reveal my dirty little secret. Well, one of many, I suppose—one of the cleaner ones. I watch Dr. 90210. And I think everyone else should, too.
When Don Henley wrote about Building the Perfect Beast, he was far ahead of the times. In this world at this moment, thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people are slipping away into anesthesia-induced oblivion to have better calves, wider eyes, smaller bellies, less wrinkles, and larger butts. Botox. Microdermabrasion. Eyebrow lifts. Lip injections. Laser treatments. Nose jobs. Boob jobs. Boob jobs. Boob jobs.
Here are some of the more prominent personalities:
Dr. Diamond is a very handsome doctor who has a good sense of humor, a good laugh, and a passion for making people pretty. He has a wife. They moved from an apartment into a house. They love each other. He’s a good doctor.
Dr. Li is a mom and a plastic surgeon. I love that this show has a female doctor on who does tummy tucks and liposuction. Usually, we don’t think that plastic surgeons are females. Or any kind of surgeon. Dr. Li is smart and sassy and she had a baby which means she’s a working mom as well.
Dr. Matlock wears Armani underwear and specializes in laser vaginal rejuvenation. I don’t think I can say any more about that.
And now, Dr. Rey. I love this man. I hate this man. I want to throw things at this man and then grovel at his feet. Dr. Rey is a workaholic who has a very friendly albeit too friendly and inappropriate bedside manner. Most of his clients are young females. He loves boobs—the ones that are the mammary glands and the ones that have highlights and blank stares. He loves martial arts. He loves himself more than anything in the world. Dr. Rey is a character of himself. He has a wife who weighs about 8 pounds. Okay, I’m exaggerating. She weighs about 12 pounds. They have two children. They have an extraordinarily large house and keep buying bigger ones. Dr. Rey sneaks in meditation and kickboxing and jujitsu before, during, and after work. He barely sees his family but he talks to them on the phone for minutes at a time. He wears a necklace. He tells his patients that they are smart and make good choices, especially when they go for the double Ds.
In each episode, we watch everyday people come in to fix things that are wrong with them. In Dr. Rey’s case, many times the people who come in are strippers or performers who need bigger boobs. Sometimes we’ll see corrective surgery where other doctors botched up the job and now the more famous doctors who have their own reality show have to fix it. Then between surgery, we get to peek into the rich lives and homes of the doctors and get to see who they’re dating, who they’re married to, what their hobbies are, and what kind of underwear they wear.
[b]And THIS is why I love reality tv[/b]: It sometimes goes against everything I stand for which gives me new ammo for preaching as well as an escape from my own reality into one that, if not for the show, I would think could never exist.
And if Dr. Rey has somehow found his way to this column, feel free to drop me a line and tell me that I’ve got a great rack like you tell all the girls. Oh, wait, that’s only post surgery. Oh well. The price of being real.
Got silicone? Click on my envelope to email me or chat in the forums, or [b][url=http://www.newsday.com/impulse]see why I’m an Impulse All-Star![/url][/b]