Tonight, the American Idol auditions take us to San Antonio, Texas, where Ryan Seacrest can’t help but keep reminding us that we’re deep in the heart of the state, and that the locals here are big on remembering things like the Alamo. It’s as if San Antonio isn’t known for anything else. Have they never heard of the Spurs?
The judges seem to be as happy as we are that it’s finally the last city of auditions. Simon Cowell says, “Whoopee,” when he walks in, although Ryan tells us that’s because he just flew in from London (and, boy, are his arms tired! ba dum bum ssshh!) and has a serious case of jet lag going on. Interestingly, they line up in a different order than they normally do at the table, with Randy Jackson and Simon switching seats. I have no idea why it matters, but I know there’s a reason somewhere. Something tells me it has to do with the conceitedness of Simon.
The first one up tonight is Brian Kyrish, 27, of San Antonio. He’s not afraid to face the judges, realizing that Randy and Simon put one leg in their pants at a time, just like everyone else. This saying bugs me. Like how you put on your pants is the best way to connect to people? Brian thinks this will go like it did for him in school, with the teachers either loving him or hating him. People tell him he sounds like Billy Idol, Ozzie, and AC/DC, as his vocal projections are loud and profound. He wants the judges to feel his energy, so he’s giving it 150%, and when he’s out of that, he’ll come up with some more. Ryan asks if he’s ready, and when he replies, “Oh yeah,” Ryan thinks it made him sound a little creepy. Right before his audition, Brian is then doing the “worm.”
As Brian enters the audition room, he says he has entered several competitions and done well. He won the grand prize in a mock American Idol. Singing Billy Idol’s Rebel Yell, Paula Abdul admits to loving that song. While he sings, it’s just a bad impression of Idol, as in Billy, not American, then goes into a screaming fit at the chorus, and throws himself on the floor, while Paula jumps back in her seat, and Randy jams with his head.
When Brian is finished, Paula asks if it hurts Brian’s voice, or at least his knees, to perform that, and compares him to a machine. Randy calls him “stealth.” Simon tells him it was a lot of shouting, without a lot of melody, and votes no. Paula and Randy take a pass as well, and after Brian leaves Simon says it makes you wonder what the person that came in last in that contest was like. Ryan tells Brian if they were looking for a ballad singer, he doesn’t think it will be him, and Brian offers to sing some Beauty and the Beast, with Ryan offering to play the part of the beast. I’ve noticed Ryan being much more playful with the contestants this year. I like Ryan, so I like it, but I’m betting his detractors don’t.
Haley Scarnato, 24, of San Antonio, has been in a wedding band since she was 15, and while it’s fun, she’s looking forward to doing more stuff. She notes there’s quite a few people here, but the judges are being picky in what they want. She knows she is good at some things, and is still going to be turned down sometimes, but is hoping today is her chance. When she walks in to the audition room, Randy asks her if she’s met Paula, which is weird. Of course not. Haley walks up to shake Paula’s hand, and Paula tells her she’s beautiful, but then makes a crack about her “hoochie mama” dress. That seems like a weird set-up, and a little mean.
Singing I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt, I think Haley is much better than what they expected, from the way they were judging her in her dress. Paula says she had nice control of her voice, and it was very lovely. Randy calls it good, controlled, and okay. Simon agrees with Randy, as Haley looks and sounds good, but he feels it was a bit cabaret, and not much originally. He can’t say she can’t sing, though, as she can, but is missing the unique factor. It’s a slight problem, but he thinks she deserves a second chance, so is going to say yes. Paula is glad he said yes, as she agrees. Randy makes it unanimous, and Haley is the first of San Antonio to go to Hollywood. Well, the first that is aired, of course.
We have what Ryan refers to as a hoe down happening while everyone is waiting, with people singing Twist and Shout, while someone plays an accordian, and another plays a guitar. I haven’t heard that song with an accordion since Vlasta on Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
Like Haley, Jasmine Holland, 22, of San Antonio, wearing a “Peace Pure Love” t-shirt, notices all the people at the audition, and realizes it just means more competition. Her mom read about the audition in the newspaper and convinced her to go. Her mom tells Ryan she is more than ready for this, as she’s been singing in a gospel choir since she was 7. Walking in, the girl has no confidence. Paula asks if she is a little shy, and Jasmine offers “Yes, ma’am.” Jasmine sings Deborah Cox’s Nobody’s Supposed to Be Here, and is pitchy with a bad tone, but you can tell she’s been singing for along time. Simon holds in his laughter, but can’t look up, while Randy can’t hold it in, and says when she is done he was about to choke on his water. Wow, way to cover, Randy.