In keeping with the idea that the best form of flattery is imitation, I will write the following column in the very unique and sometimes eyebrow-raising-questionable format of the new game show “Show Me The Money.” Not so coincidentally, this new game show is the subject of this week’s column. Now, let’s bring out the thirteen dancing girls! Clap Clap!
If you haven’t seen “Show Me The Money,” then you have no idea what I’m talking about. You will not find any humor in these rhetorical repetitions at all. If you have seen the show, then you will keel over with laughter. Honestly, if you haven’t seen the show, you need to. Now, what’s the title of this column? Let’s all shout it out now: And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV!
Game shows aren’t really reality television. However, they involve everyday people just as reality television does. They offer the same entertainment value. They show the triumph of the common man. This show also offers the awesome insanity and nonsense that most reality tv shows pride themselves on. Now, let’s salsa! Clap Clap!
William [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Dramatic [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Pause [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Shatner hosts this new ratings-getter. He dances along with the thirteen women who hold the money and dance for no reason. He greets the contestants, asks them awkward questions about themselves, says incredibly non-PC comments that make him even more real and loveable, and then reads categories and questions that show off his unpolished reading out loud skills. He adds to suspense by mentioning the dreaded Kill Card and then quickly asking us to forget he has mentioned it. What’s the title of this column? And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV! Shatner makes a great dancing host.
The rules—everybody dance! Clap Clap! Where was I? Oh, yes, the rules. The rules are not completely apparent at first. It took me a while to figure out what you could pass and why the girls were there and what the red and green lights were. I think I get it now. Clap Clap!
The contestant gets the first one or two words of a question or fill in the blank statement. The contestant then chooses A, B, or C. And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV!!! Then William [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size]Dramatic [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Pause [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Shatner reads the rest of the question or statement. If the contestant knows the answer, he can guess. After he guesses, he chooses one of the thirteen dancing girls who have names like Shakira and Leslie and Moesha. Shatner asks, “what’s the name of the show?” and the contestant yells, “Show me the money!” The girl then shows the amount of money she has (or the Kill Card, but we’ll get to that snafu later—first, let’s samba!). Then Shatner asks if the answer that we heard about five minutes ago is correct.
At this point, no one remembers what the question or answer was so he repeats it one last time. Then the total amount of winnings pops up on the screen. The green amount lights up if the answer is right—the green amount is the higher total. The red amount lights up if the answer is wrong—the red amount is the loss. With me so far? Good. Clap Clap.
What’s the name of this column? And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV! Everyone dance! Clap Clap. Okay, so if the contestant doesn’t know the answer, he can pass. He then chooses one of the other two letters he didn’t choose at first. If he knows the answer, he goes through the rigamarole above. If he doesn’t know the answer again, he can pass again. He gets two passes for every set of three questions. That’s a lot, no? In any case, if he passes twice, he MUST answer the remaining question no matter what. He picks a girl, let’s say Juliana. They shout, “Show me the money!” and Juliana shows a dollar amount. Shatner repeats the question and answer. Then they find out if the contestant won or lost that dollar amount.
The contestant must answer at least six questions. His score board is six plus signs and six negative signs. Every time he gets an answer correct—Let’s tango! Clap Clap!—one of the plus signs cancels out. When he gets an answer wrong, a negative sign goes dark. The game is over when the contestant has either six plus signs or six negative signs. The contestant then wins however much money is on the board. I wonder if the contestant owes any money if the amount is negative.
Shatner then urges the money girls to dance at any given moment. He dances. Sometimes the contestant dances, too. The first contestant on the premiere (his name was Matt—he’s a friend of a friend) danced up a storm. The second, a military guy, did not dance. The dancing is fun. It also makes no sense. There’s no real point except to separate these ladies from the ladies on Deal or No Deal. In fact, the dancing is the main aspect that separates the two shows. That and the wacky rules. What’s the name of this column? And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV! Now let’s get to the Kill Card.
Thirteen women, twelve dollar amounts, six pluses, six minuses, and one Kill Card. My head hurts already. Everybody DANCE! Clap Clap! Whenever the contestant shouts, “Show me the money!” there’s a chance that the girl will not show the money. She’ll show a triangle with the silhouette of a dancing girl. At least, I think that’s what it is. It took me forever to come up with that guess. It could be a bonsai tree. I really don’t know. Why would a silhouette of one of the ladies be on a card called the Kill Card? Are the dancers somehow the obstacle? Speaking of dancers, let’s mambo! Clap Clap!
Okay, so the Kill Card shows up. If the contestant answered the question right—remember, the question that starts off with one or two words and the contestant chooses A, B, or C and passes or answers? Okay, so if that question is right and the contestant gets the Kill Card, the contestant won’t win money for that round but also can continue. I’m not sure if they lose money and start from scratch or if they simply continue with whatever they’ve already won. William [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Dramatic [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Pause [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Shatner never gets to that.
If the contestant gets the Kill Card and has answered incorrectly, then it’s over, right? WRONG! The contestant gets one more question. William [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Dramatic [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Pause [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Shatner keeps one Kill Card Question in his inside jacket pocket. The contestant must answer that question correctly to stay in the game. That question also has no “Show me the money” factor. It’s a please let me keep playing question. If the contestant answers correctly, he moves on. If not, game is over. For real this time.
But even when the game is over, there’s no reason to fret. Because William [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Dramatic [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Pause [size=medium][color=FFFFFF]space[/color][/size] Shatner calls the money women down from their posts to dance dance dance. Clap Clap! They all surround the losing contestant and dance away, shaking their naughty bits at him.
The girls also dance along with the winning contestants. Matt and his gang of supporters (including my witty pretty friend Alicia) rejoiced at winning over 500K on the premiere. The ladies danced along with them as well. Lots of dancing. Lots.
[b]And THIS is why I love reality tv[/b]: The most absurd ideas get air time. I rejoice in the absurd. Who doesn’t?
Click my envelop to email me. Clap Clap! Talk about Shatner in the forums. Read about my own absurd reality by [b][url=http://christinamrau.blogspot.com]Livin’ The Dream (One Loser At A Time).[/url][/b]