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And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV: Stars Dancing Up A Storm



Ah, to watch B&C-List celebrities glide and stumble across the dance floor. Ah, to watch B&C-List celebrities hold up their fingers and plead for votes. Ah, to watch B&C-List celebrities say “it’s okay that we were robbed.” Ah, to hear Bruno ask just once more, “Do you have extra batteries in your pants?” as if we all have a regular set of batteries in there in the first place. Yes, Dancing With The Stars offers certain charms that no other show can (except for Celebrity Duets where singing and stage presence are involved or Skating With Celebrities where all the steps are on ice).

Dancing With The Stars tries to be a classy talent show. Wondering what the operative word in that sentence is? If you say “tries,” not only have you got it right, but you’ve obviously been watching the show. A few mistakes it’s made in the attempt to be classy:

1. Welcoming and then allowing Master P to stay around and do whatever it is he did on the floor which really wasn’t dancing. I know he was a last minute replacement, but they couldn’t find anyone else? Star Jones jumps at the chance to be on tv any time. Not that I want to see Star Jones doing the cha-cha with another woman or with a man or with anyone, but still she would have been better than what they had.

2. Tom Bergeron doesn’t exactly scream DANCE! To me, he screams HOLLYWOOD SQUARES! Both are shows with celebrities, but Squares had a whole lotta cheese and a whole lotta Whoopi and Bruce Vilanch. Tom Bergeron is a good host but he’s not a dance guy.

3. Tom Bergeron’s sidekick, whose name I haven’t bothered to learn, is like one of those annoying reporters at competitions who shove a microphone into the face of the losers. Not that she talks to only the losers of the night, but her voices and her questions are excrutiatingly painful to listen to. They’re awkward. They make the celebrities awkward. Why ask a question that will take a few minutes to answer when you’re gonna pull the mic away in two seconds? It doesn’t make sense.

4. Song choices overall are horrible. Not every song is a ballroom dance song. Not every song that’s not a ballroom dance song can be rearranged to become a ballroom dance song. Stop it! And Julio Iglesias should not be singing anymore. He should have a cup of coffee and reminisce about the good times with Aaron Neville.

5. Phone lines are open during the show. When not all the couples have danced. That’s unfair.

On the whole, the good stuff outshines the mistakes its made along the way. The show is a fun show. It’s all about fun. Everyone throws around the word fun. Even Tucker Carlson had fun and I didn’t think that would ever be possible. All the dancers say they’re having fun. Tom and Nameless Host tell the celebrities to have fun out there. The judges applaud the celebrities when they look like they’re having fun. It’s a rockin fun good time.

The contest itself is mostly like those high school student council elections. The candidates try to get votes through flashy footwork and showing as much skin as possible. The student body votes for the most popular or the prettiest:

So far this season, the guys who look like Teen Beat studs are the forerunners while the guy with the trashy talk show who gets naked and overweight people to fight and spit at each other is running with the pack when he really can’t dance.

The season before, the football jock went a long long way when he had no batteries in his pants.

Kelly Monaco won the whole damn thing and it had nothing to do with her dancing ability. It had to do with her boobies. Then, in high school or even elementary school fashion, the show had a do-over because the public didn’t like the outcome. I wish life were that way. Just yell DO OVER when something goes wrong and we can try again.

To counteract the high school feel of the competition, the show offers dancers who dance dance dance. Everyone loves professional dancers. That’s why movies like Center Stage are so popular when they lack acting abilities. The professionals are amazing because they not only teach their partners a certain dance with choreography, but they dance several different routines each week with each other. That’s a whole lot of steps to remember. That’s talent. That’s class.

[b] And THIS is why I love reality TV[/b]: The brilliant juxtaposition of silliness and panache, creating a wonderfully absurd ultra-reality for entertainment purposes.

Plus Dancing With The Stars adds the bonus of shedding at least fifteen pounds for all its contestants. Biggest Loser people? Celebrity Fit Club members? Start dancing.

I’ve got a few moves of my own. Wanna see? Email me: Christina@realityshack.com or visit http://christinamrau.blogspot.com Also, check out the [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=1633&forum=13&post_id=20881#forumpost20881]forums[/url] and dish the dirt about Mario’s hips and Joey’s head.


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