Dancing and ice skating aren’t the only ways to make celebrities look awkward. Thank you, Celebrity Duets creators, for a fine program that pairs C-List celebrities with washed-up singers. Not since the senseless movie Duets starring my love Huey Lewis has the idea of duets seemed so very wrong. Now we have a whole season of wrongness at our fingertips.
To host the show, Fox of course hired the best singer they could find: Wayne Brady. Sure he’s a comedian, but he’s a singing comedian, which makes quite a difference. You just know that Wayne Brady’s thinking throughout the entire show [i] I am so much better than these people. My voice is ten times better that even the professional singers. I can sing dammit. And let’s see one of these people make up a song right on the spot like I can. Nope, not a one can. Yes, I’m a star. I’m THE star. Mwah ha ha ha.[/i]. For instance, take this past week’s show when they came back from commercial break and he was still singing some buttercup song and was way too involved in his own voice and the fact that he was singing in a key that Marie Osmond couldn’t sing in that he didn’t notice he was back on the air. Way to be in a live show, buddy.
In all honesty, I do love Wayne Brady. But I think he loves himself even more.
Marie Osmond is the apple of everyone’s “a little bit country” eye. She does, however, offer some really good advice. Surprisingly, she gets booed a lot. Sidenote about the audience—the audience is really really REALLY dumb because with even constructive criticism to the likes of Cheech Marin who sometimes loses the beat, the audience boos the judges who say things like Please try to stay with the beat. Dumb. So Marie Osmond is a good judge and a good singer as well. She just can’t sing in the Wayne Brady commercial break key of self-indulgence.
David Foster is supposed to be the Simon Cowell but Marie Osmond does get booed more. Plus Foster is at the slight disadvantage of having to make his comments after the Little Richard That Could Trainwreck. People are still trying to figure out what Little Richard just said so they mostly miss what David Foster has to say. Plus his comments are always pretty short. He actually is very supportive of those who can sing, except for Hal Sparks who he gives an attitude to. I think, and I have no grounds for thinking this but still, that David Foster has a man-crush on Hal Sparks and can’t bring himself to admit it. Pure speculation based on absolutely nothing but David Foster’s harsh judgment of Hal. Who’s with me?
And now it’s time for [b]Fun With Little Richard[/b]. First off, he’s an icon. He’s incredibly talented in the musical field. I worship his singing and entertainment ability. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to the nitty gritty. The only thing scarier on this show than Little Richard was the appearance of a very Frankenstein-monster-like Aaron Neville. (As I asked in the forums this week, What in the hell happened to that guy?). Back to Little Richard. He’s not really being a judge. A judge judges. He, instead, babbles. Even Paula Abdul over on Idol makes more sense. Here’s a smattering of Little Richard commentary scenarios:
To a contestant who just sang “My Girl”: My girl? Oh my girl. My my my my girrrrl. Good golly good girl. Gal golly gee. My girl and me. Whooooo!
To a contestant who sang horribly: Going down going down but that road long road I see it coming up and you coming up. Whooooo!
To a contestant who sang well: Whoooo! Kool Aid and candy! Pants on fire. You can knock it, put it in, pull it out, shake round round round square feet times two a train leavin Kalamazoo and la deee da da da to you too! Whoooo! Mr. Wayne Brady too!
To no one in particular: Blaheodinboineoiadfintiohoeijoaidj. Whooooo!
You get the point: he’s not helping as a judge. He shouldn’t be on a judge panel. Don’t get me wrong; I think he *definitely* belongs on this show. Just not as a judge. Perhaps as a color commentator. Or, better yet, HE can be the host and Wayne Brady can be a judge, considering that Wayne puts his two cents in during judging anyway to defend the contestants.
Speaking of the contestants…and this is where it gets good.
Hal Sparks as aforementioned can belt out a tune with the best of em. Or at least the best of the professionals this show can muster. He’s got comedy and drama under his belt so singing should be no problem for him.
Chris Jericho got kicked off and he has his own band. That’s what happens when you name your band after a muppet.
Lea Thompson got kicked off too. Her voice just wasn’t powerful enough.
Cheech Marin seems to be on his way out too. He has a great baritone voice but he’s very shaky. Must be from years and years of pretending to smoke up. Or actually smoking up. Again, speculation.
Lucy Lawless has a pretty voice but it’s about as strong as Lea’s was. However, Lucy Lawless is looking fabulous as a blonde. Xena who?
Carly Patterson. Who?
Alfonso Ribiero has been singing since Fresh Prince. He does have a great voice but whenever he sings, I’m reminded of his skippy dance he did on that show and it’s just not pretty.
Jai Rodriguez does not belong in this competition. This competition is for celebrities who are famous for doing things other than singing. While Chris Jericho and Hal Sparks both have bands, they aren’t KNOWN for their bands. Jai Rodriguez, on the other hand, is in MUSICAL theater. He SANG on Broadway. He’s a PROFESSIONAL SINGER. No fair.
Who will win? It will probably come down to Hal, Jai, and Alfonso.
As for the professional singers who come on, well, they’re an eclectic bunch. In just one show, they brought to the stage Dionne Warwick who looked as if she almost wouldn’t make it out to the center of the stage, Aaron Neville who’s, um, got problems, Taylor Dane who last made an appearance on VH1’s comeback make-over show and then never really made her comeback, and Jesse McCartney who’s about 12 and was molested by whatsherface who he sang with. In other shows, we’ve seen Kenny Loggins and Brian McKnight. It’s just all different people and I’m wondering how they’re getting conned into it.
[b] And THIS is why I love reality tv[/b]: It takes everyone out of their comfort zone. Entertainment can make you squirm sometimes for all the wrong reasons. That’s exactly what this show does. And it makes people tune in just to see what atrocity will happen next.
And if anyone can answer my Aaron Neville quandary, I’d be happy to hear from ya!
Email me: Christina@realityshack.com Or visit http://christinamrau.blogspot.com