You said it yourself. You trusted people too much. And while it may be true that you put trust in some of the wrong people, your type of gameplay wouldn’t lead you to a final two spot unless you could win the final all important HoH. You controlled the game, but not the people, and when you needed to save your own butt, you did.
It’s hard to argue the impact of winning four of twelve HoHes and five PoVs. Yet, it made you more of a target and gave everyone reason to put a target on your back. Each person in the BB6 alliance walked in with a target on their back, just by the pure fact that they had a ready-made alliance and were larger than the known alliance of Chill Town and the suspected alliance of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
It was thought by some, mostly Will, that you were just that competition machine, the Fembot. He made the mistake many others seem to, that because you are a beautiful blonde cocktail waitress, that you are weak. He thought he would be able to control you, and did in some ways, but in other ways he struggled, and it only heightened his intrigue. While you could be talked into many things, you have an amazing ability to save your butt when you need to.
Because you look for the good in people, instead of the evil, you didn’t see some of the manipulations of Will. Yet, what you did see, certainly mattered. Part way through the game, you began to see some of his manipulations and you put your friendship with him on overdrive, with the intent of playing him just as much as he played you. Yet once you began to fall for him, you forgot about looking over your shoulder, until it was too late.
I don’t think Will had any intention of falling in love with you in the beginning. He only wanted to manipulate you to further himself in the game, as he knew he needed a pawn to win the comps for him, so that he could control who left every week. However, as he grew closer to you in order to use his strategy of showmance to string you along, something unexpected happened, and he fell in love with you, just as the rest of us did last year, and continued to do this year.
Erika used the information she had heard from Will against you. He had told her, as well as Goobie, that you were ruining his life as this was just a showmance for him, to string you along, but you clearly wanted more. She took that information and fed it to you, and compared it to her own homance, which you knew was fake. You had no other choice but to believe you’d been had. Had he called you a band slut? Yes, but it was done before he began to fall for you.
Operation: Double Date was split down the middle. Erika and Goobie were both willing to sleep with each other and then stab each other in the back. Once you and Will developed a real closeness, there was no backstabbing. Yet after being presented with the evidence that he had said some derogatory things about you, it made the relationships look equal. If there’s one thing you don’t want, it’s to look bad, and you seemed to struggle after learning the information to decide whether you’d look worse for not trusting Will or worse for trusting him too much.
Please don’t feel as if you were wrong for what you felt, though. Many of us felt it too. Just as you saw the endearing way he looked at you, so did we. The look behind the eyes can’t be faked, not even by one of the best manipulators. He did have feelings for you. It didn’t necessarily lessen his feelings for his girlfriend, though, and I think in the end he wanted to have his cake and eat it, too. The closer he became to you, it seemed like when he kept telling you that actions spoke louder than words and everything would come in good time, that he was saying he’d come clean after the show to you, and hope you’d have him. If not, he could then go back to Erin.
That was a dangerous game he was playing, though, and he knew it. He’s spent his whole life controlling others, and when he could no longer control his own emotions, he seemed to get more and more confused. The pure fact that he would lie to Goobie about your conversations said that you were taking on a very important part of his life, as he always said his friendship with Goobie came first, but you seemed to be easing your way into that.
Just as you wanted him to just tell you his real feelings, good or bad, so did we. Everyone was waiting for a kiss, not because we wanted to see some hot and heavy action, because if we wanted that, we’d watch Erika and Goobie. What we wanted was confirmation of what we saw. We saw a great relationship developing, the type that everyone wishes for. A closeness combined with just being able to have fun with each other. Just as you seemed to be begging his last twenty-four hours in the house for him to come clean, so were we. If he could have only admitted to the bad things that were said, but could have also said it was when you were only a gamepiece to him, but that you had become so much more to him, he’d still be in the house. You may still have gone out at number three, but you wouldn’t be leaving feeling embarrassed, and you’d have hope for the future instead of questions.
My hope now is that in sequester, without the constant cameras, you can talk about some of the things you wanted to, but couldn’t. We’d love to hear some fabulous news at the finale, but something tells me you’ll both need to work through your feelings and that it will take some time. I hope the public can give you that, as you surely deserve it. We as fans only want our Janie to be happy, and if that happiness involves some type of future with Dr. Will Kirby, we would love it. Yet, if that happy future can’t ever include him, we would understand.
What would you say to Janelle, given the chance? Email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com.
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