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And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV: America's Talent Pool




The title, “America’s Got Talent,” guarantees a barrage of the most untalented people who think they’re in the entertainment industry to flock to auditions and then perform for all of the country. Bush has already made America quite a laughing stock so the necessity of this show to add to the laughing stock status is non-existent.

Here’s a cross section of the talent pool:

A man who balances a lawn mower on his chin while others throw lettuce heads at it, causing shredded lettuce to fly everywhere

A family who do the Irish jig while playing violins

A guy who tries to sing “You Raise Me Up” in all different languages

An 80 year old or so grandmother who raps

A 6 year old girl who belts out songs

Hundreds more just like these and very far from these and the realms of imagination have trodded on the America’s Got Talent stage. Would you believe that the rappin’ granny is in the lead to win the whole thing? When a rappin granny is the best talent you’ve got (“you” being an entire country), you might want to look into revamping your talent pool, your entertainment industry, and/or the tastes of the population at large. Then again, only a small percentage of the population actually watches America’s Got Talent, so perhaps the state of judgement is not all that wrecked.

To make matters worse, Bravo runs four hour marathons of the show on weekends. Seriously, Bravo, can’t you fill time with, well, anything else?

The problem lies in the lack of understanding of the word “talent.” Living through a life-threatening stunt like juggling hatchets blindfolded while balancing on a unicycle is not talent. It’s dumb luck. Save that crap for the boys on “Jackass” and “Viva La Bam” who also find wearing diapers and peeing on each other great fun.

Just because people think they can sing doesn’t mean they can. Same goes for dancing, writing, painting, doing comedy, and breathing. America’s Got Talent does nothing more than encourage these believers to chase their dream, which turns out to be everyone else’s nightmare.

The talent on this show comes in the form of a man named Reej. [u]Regis Philbin[/u] hosts “America’s Got Talent.” This fact is the biggest mystery on the show. Regis has money and a steady job with Kelly Rippa. He amazed everyone on the “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” juggernaut and got out before it went downhill, being replaced by Meredith “I-Cheated-On-My-Spouse-But-Women-Learn-From-My-Mistakes-So-Everyone-Must-Love-Me-And-Miss-Me-From-The-View” Veira. He let that annoying captain go down with that game show ship. If Meredith Veira were on “America’s Got Talent,” the rappin granny would probably beat her out too. Or not, considering the lack of talent Veira has—she’d fit right in with the group. In any case, Regis brings a level of class and talent to the show that is incredibly necessary. He’d better be getting a pretty penny to do so.

Who decides who has talent? That could be part of the problem as well. Here are the judges:

[u]Brandy[/u]: The singer made it big in the 90s. She can sing but she’s not a great singer. She’s a product of some talent combined with hard work with a side of knowing the right people and serendipity. Then she had her own reality show that documented her pregnancy. Giving birth on television still is not talent; it’s too much information.

[u]Piers Morgan[/u]: He’s a former editor who hosted a British show. How that qualifies him as a talent judge is also a mystery. Then again, he IS British. Simon Cowell, the show’s creator and legendary hard-nosed bad-ass, is British. Coincidence? Piers also serves as the “Simon” of the judging panel so no matter what he says, even if he’s right, gets booed. Most recently, he told the jigging violinists that they should drop the parents and the little brother from the group to have a chance at winning, causing most of the family to break down in tears. Sorry—I’ve got to say it—Hil. Air. Eee. Us!

[u]David Hasselhoff[/u]: Knight Rider. Mitch the lifeguard. International super singer. Idolized by Germany. And now, talent scout. One contestant has gone so far as to bring an imitation of KITT on stage and dance around while stripping to the Knight Rider theme. He loved it. No one else loved it, but he did. He gives an honest opinion most of the time. He has no problem saying things like, “I did enjoy it but I don’t think I can put you through to the next round.” So he does realize that personal taste and amusement does not constitute talent on a broader scale.

Kathy Griffin refers to Hasselhoff as King of the D-List, citing that the man has more money than any A-Lister and owns a plane to boot. He would still proudly don a shoestring-headband and dance around the remains of the Berlin Wall. He’s imitated his own character Michael Knight on America’s Got Talent. I’m pretty sure he’d sport a red speedo one more time as a throwback to Baywatch. Anything for the right price.

[b]And THIS is why I love Reality TV[/b]: It’s brought back David Hasselhoff. Man, I love this man. Since his crying stint at the finale of American Idol which he explained was not because of his love for Taylor Hicks but was because his near-death companion exclaimed how life was so grand at that moment, reality tv has been gearing up for Hasselhoff. NBC snatched him up right before he got away. Now he’s back in the weekly spotlight, judging others the way he has been judged for so long.

Bringing back Hasselhoff in this fashion is lightyears different from casting him on shows like The Surreal Life and Celebrity Fear Factor. Here he gets to reign as talent king, regardless of what other critics say. And he shall reign on, being judge and jury for at least one lucky, and I mean LUCKY, contestant of the most talentless show on television.

Join the Gotta Love Hasselhoff Club, an unofficial organization consisting of one member (me) by emailing me: Christina@realityshack.com. Or visit one of my blogs: http://christinamrau.blogspot.com or http://theunromancingofroma.blogspot.com


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