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And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV: Making The Band Work

The definition of band is a group of people who play instruments and make music together. Prime examples are House Band on Rock Star, Damnocracy on VH1’s Super Group, and the strings and brass and horns that backed the likes of Duke Ellington and Desi Arnaz. Bands can rock it out, swing it out, jazz it out, and do it country style.

So why have none of the attempts in Making The Band reflected this definition? When Lou Perlman was trying to cash in on a third boy band in the footsteps of The Backstreet Boys and N*SYNC, he wasn’t really making a band. Neither of those two groups are bands, and O-Town, the result of that season, is not a band either. And now, it’s not even a group with them falling apart at the seams and then Ashley Angel going out on his own to be a solo artist and dad with another reality show that is hopefully never to air again.

The next season introduced rappers and R&B artists. Five rappers and one R&B singer bumbled their way through new managers, jail sentences, thrown trash cans, gold teeth, a walk from Manhattan to Brooklyn to buy Sean Puffy P Diddydid Combs a piece of cheesecake, and then a failed deal. Even though the name bestowed upon them was DA BAND (if they’re changing up spelling, it should have been DUH BAND), they still were not a band. And then they were dis-banded anyway by Sean Puffy P Diddydid Combs.

Now the gal group has a chance to sing. After a failed first attempt at making a girl band, the next time around resulted in Aundrea, Dawn, Shannon, Wanita aka D Woods, and Aubrey coming together as a band. Only they aren’t a band. They never even refer to themselves as a band. They are a singing group. A dancing group. A group of gals who want to entertain under the guidance of Sean Puffy P Diddydid Combs. So from now on, for Reality Shack purposes, the show is Making The Group.

The audition process of the first two seasons of Making The Group 3 focused on some singing, some questionable fashion, very very skinny girls running around central park, hair extensions, and dance. Lots and lots of dance. Sean Puffy P Diddydid Combs chose the best dancers who could sing instead of the best singers who could dance.

Now the show chooses to follow one girl’s struggle each week as she tries to make it in the group. Again, no one calls it a band. They call it a group. Aside from Dawn’s struggle in returning to New Orleans after Katrina which was actually a very real and very serious episode for this show — hurt only by Aubrey’s rhetorical political questioning of where’s the help? and why isn’t anyone helping? — the focus of the girls’ struggles is the fact that they can’t sing. For three weeks in a row, three girls couldn’t sing.

Shannon could not sing. She wasn’t feeling the music. Sean Puffy P Diddydid Combs told her that she was spoiling the big chance for the rest of them and she needs the most work. She overcame her struggle by literally shaking it off. She shook her body, waving her hands in the air and whipping her blonde locks around. Then, she cried while feeling the lyrics, and hooray she could sing. All within thirty minutes.

Dawn could not sing. Her voice is low and her tone didn’t fit in the single they were recording with Pooh Bear (no, that’s not my nickname — that’s the producer’s actual name. AND they were working with this skinny white guy who wears tinted brown sunglasses inside and wears way too many diamond rings — not sure, but his name could be Tigger). Dawn got taken off the song. Dawn had a new part written for her. Dawn got fed the lines one by one. Hooray, now Dawn can sing.

Aubrey cannot sing this week. She gets taken off the song. She cries. And by the end of half an hour? She can sing again. Here’s the thing. She CAN sing. During the first auditions, she belted out At Last and Sean Puffy P Diddydid Combs called her black. Then he called her black because she can dance. Then he proclaimed everyone is black. But enough about him. Aubrey’s struggle to sing is yet another cockeyed construed storyline.

After a grueling season of auditioning, what happened? They sang during auditions. Barely. And never together as these exact five. Hmm, perhaps that should have been part of the audition process.

The more this show goes on, the less reality it is. Sean Puffy P Diddydid Combs lends the girls a Caddy to drive and then Aundrea gets behind the wheel, not being able to drive. Wonder what’s going to happen? They get pulled over by the police. Dun Dun DUN! That’s exactly why Sean Puffy P Diddydid Combs lent them the car.

If not being able to sing and getting pulled over by the cops are the best storylines this show can follow, then it needs to not be a show anymore. If you’re putting a group together, don’t call it a band. If the group is a singing group, you shouldn’t focus on dance.

[u]The highlights of the show?[/u] LaurieAnn the choreographer. The lady doesn’t take crap from anyone and is a kickass dancer. She’s so smart and so quick and gets the job done. She has fabulous style. Also Doc the singing coach. He’s nice. He’s smart. He’s talented. He knows his stuff.

[u]The lowlight of the season so far?[/u] Sean Puffy P Diddydid Combs telling D Woods Wanita that she’s fat. So he didn’t say “fat.” He said “thick” which translates to “You’re a fatty lose some weight now you heifer.” Her response? She cries. Then Johnny BaseballCap says that they chose her because of her talent and no one thinks she should change. Umm, no one except for her boss. Nice way to encourage an eating disorder. D Woods is right on when she says she’s built differently and sure she looks big when compared to all the “skinny chicks” who wear size negative twenty.

[b]And THIS is why I love reality TV[/b]: It’s a free for all. You want to call a singing group who doesn’t write music and play instruments on stage a band? Go ahead. You want to call a girl who wears a size 4 fat? Why not. You want to make it seem like all the singers in the group you put together can’t sing? Right on!

In spite of all the made-up struggles and stages tromps of barhopping and caddy cruising, Making The Group 3 is mindless fun. And the dancing, along with Laurie Ann, is awesome.

What will be Sean Puffy P Diddydid Combs’ next nickname? Email me by clicking on the little envelope above. Or click on my name to see all about me. Or just visit my blog at http://christinamrau.blogspot.com. I’d love to hear from ya.


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