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Big Brother 7: All Stars, Premiere – Twists, Tantrums, and Targets


Here we go again! Another season of Big Brother, and, like it or not, it’s All Stars.

Julie Chen welcomes us, standing in front of the BB house. As she gives us a bit of a recap to cover the All Stars element of the show, she walks into her little post-eviction interview booth where there’s a table that holds 14 keys set up. Julie calls in the All Star hopefuls one by one, and they line up behind her divided into male and female groups.

Now it’s time for the first twist, which really isn’t a “twist” at all, per se. Apparently there were so many millions of votes for the All Stars that there were some close races to get into the house – so they’ve decided to bring in four men and four women instead of just three of each, based on America’s Choices. Hmm, kind of a lame way to get the extra people in the house, but we’ll go with it.

Julie begins pulling keys, in no particular order. Janelle is first, followed by Erika. Erika. Geez, what were you people thinking voting for her? Nakomis is third, and the final America’s Choice on the girl’s side is … Diane. Not surprised in the least – she’s got some rabid fans out there. I am surprised, however, that Danielle didn’t get in the house on the fan vote.

The women run into the house to claim beds, and they discover that there’s a giant bed in the former gold room that will sleep 4-6 people. They snag this one for themselves for some reason, giggling the whole time. Well, all except Nak, who notices that she’s stuck with four “girly-girls” and doesn’t really fit in. Janelle says that she’s not surprised to be one of America’s Choices, and thanks us for voting her in.

Now for the boys. First one called is Hurricane Howie, followed by James, Kaysar, and finally … Jase? Really? Jase himself seems as surprised as I am. I thought it would be Marcellas. Apparently so did Marcellas, who calls himself “America’s gay black sweetheart”. Heehee. Will is scowling – I guess he’s pretty surprised that he wasn’t a fan favourite.

The men enter the house and there are hugs all around. Everyone who wasn’t part of the BB6 cast is feeling a bit overwhelmed by the obvious fan support for these four houseguests. The strategic wheels are turning already.

Now we get to find out who the brilliant producers of Big Brother have chosen to join our own picks in the house. First up, Dr. Will. No kidding – big shocker there. Danielle is next, followed by Marcellas, who jumps and hollers and leaps to hug Julie. Julie wonders out loud how he would have reacted if he hadn’t made it into the house.

Three more to go, and now Cowboy, Ivette, and Mantroll, er, I mean Dana, are looking a little concerned. Alison is called next. Not surprised, but I was hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, they’d leave her out. No such luck. Next up? Mike Boogie. Seriously. And he’s acting as if it’s no big deal since he knew he’d get in anyway. Ick. I cannot stand this guy. Please, someone swap him out for Cowboy.

There’s one more spot left, and the rest of the men (Bunky, George, and Cowboy) look at each other as if to say, “The last one’s a woman – we’re toast.” The women seem anxious, Lisa especially. Ivette is just looking down at the floor and I almost feel bad for her. Almost.

And … the last person to enter the house is … Chicken George! He’s grinning from ear to ear, repeating, “I got in! I got in!” Cool. He’ll add a novelty aspect to the house, if nothing else.

Lisa looks like she’s near tears, as does Cowboy. Monica seems to be taking it in stride, while Ivette continues to stare at the floor. Bunky, who, by the way, is wearing one of the most hideous shirts I’ve ever seen, seems disappointed. And Dana just has the same somewhat-stunned expression on her face that she always seems to have. All in all it’s a pretty good cast, except for Boogie. Get. Him. Out.

The producer’s picks enter the house and more hugging ensues. Chicken George says that his getting in the house is like a donkey winning the Kentucky Derby. Marcellas and Danielle hug each other, while we hear confessionals from both of them saying that they’ll never be friends. In a similar situation, Alison and Erika sit together on one of the beds, talking about their season. Erika says in the DR that Ali is responsible for her eviction, and doubts that she’s changed since then. Alison says, “Why me? And why her?” Indeed.

Poor George is having a hard time fitting in. He goes over to Boogie and Will and gives them a small dose of his “Chicken Rap”. The sound you hear in the background is crickets chirping. Boogie says privately that George is a minnow among sharks. Go ahead and get cocky there, Boogie. Hopefully that minnow will help get you out of the game, and soon.

Boogie and Will are spending an awful lot of time together, walking around the house and wondering why America loves Kaysar so much. They want to take out Janelle and Kaysar first. Will calls Kay a smug something-or-other. Pot? Meet Kettle. They hang over the upstairs balcony, pointing out all of their victims. Will wants to get out there immediately and start stirring things up, but Boogie wants to sit back and wait.

A little aside here; Boogie is still doing his confessionals dressed in his too-big basketball tanks and sweatbands around his head and wrists. Dude, your season was four years ago. Grow up. Move on.

Will says that in two weeks he’s going to remove his mask to reveal nothing but wires and circuitry. Please. I loved Dr. Will in his season, so why don’t I like him now? He’s giving me the heebie-jeebies already.

The group makes a champagne toast in the living room, to All Stars. One of them offers that this will be the last time that they all like each other. If they even do now, I guess.

Now it’s time for the first Head of Household competition, and Julie promises us a twist. The houseguests are gathered in the living room to listen to Chenbot on the screen, and she tells them that, for the first time in Big Brother history (which, by the way, replaces “But First” this season as Julie’s catch-phrase), there will be two Heads of Household. Howie shouts out “I knew it!”.

The two HoH’s will have to decide together who the two nominees are. If they can’t come to an agreement, they will be stripped of their HoH status and become the nominees for eviction. Cue Alison’s slack-jawed look of shock.

It’s time for the competition, and the houseguests head out to the backyard. It’s all done up in stars (go figure), and Marcellas says that it looks like a gay disco. He’s waiting for the shirtless guys to come out. On one side is a platform, and on the other a spinning circle with 7 posts. Half of the hamsters will stand on the posts, while the others will take turns swinging a thing that looks like a boulder at them, trying to knock them off. Last person standing is the first HoH, then the groups switch places and the second HoH will be determined the same way.


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