Big Brother 4 introduced the “X-Factor” twist. Which we can all agree was a horrible idea that should never have seen the light of day. Regardless, there are apparently some folks who want to come back and do it all over again. They are:
Erika. Why?? I’ll tell you something – if Erika and Lisa both get into the house, we had better damn well hope that the entire rest of the cast are crap-disturbers, ’cause these two will snooze their way to the end otherwise, and we’ll all be bored out of our minds. She says that she will never forget the moment when her ex, Robert (the nose-picker), walked into the house. She’s glad they reconciled though, which brings us the clip of her apologizing and Robert asking if she wants to get back together. Funny, they don’t show the clip of her racist rant against Jee.
Erika talks a bit about her alliance with Jack, and how he was a father figure to her and they’re still very close. Ho hum. She wants to get back in the house to redeem herself. Redeem herself? For what?
Dana. Here’s another “I fell for a hot guy and that screwed up my game” story. Dana talks about how the original eight had made an alliance before the exes arrived, and how she was the one to break that alliance when she fell for Justin. She was “blinded by his hotness”, but paid for that move by being evicted the following week.
Dana calls herself a “spicy personality” and wants to play the game again on her own terms. She’s not intimidated by anybody now. I’m not a huge Dana fan, but I’d rather see her back in the house than …
Alison. She made it to the final two and she went on The Amazing Race. Haven’t we seen enough of her already? Please CBS, don’t put Ali back in the house. I’m begging you. She says that she got to the final two by manipulating the men. She gave them what they wanted and used them, and then everyone ended up hating her. She set her sights on Nathan because he was so obviously gullible.
Ali only got one vote (from Nathan) at the end, and says that this runner-up stuff is crap. She wants to go back and win the whole thing this time, but I’m thinking she’ll be out of her league if she gets in. Wow, talk about slim pickin’s from season four.
Julie is now in the dining room of the updated Big Brother house, where she talks about the twin twist and the Nakomis/Cowboy having the same father but not knowing about it thing from season five, “Project DNA”. Our eligible hamsters from season five are:
Jase. No! This guy is such an idiot, I swear. I don’t love to hate him, I just hate him. There are very few people who make me want to throw something sharp and heavy at my television set, but this guy is one of them. Time for the Four Horsemen clips, which Jase explains away as “four guys walking around without shirts, who figured they should hook up”. I’d make fun of the strategy angle, but two of them went to the end, so meh.
Jase talks about how he went off on Adria (or was it Natalie?) when Scott was evicted, and then, out of no where, the other twin comes in. He says, “That was not from Jesus.” Ha! I’ll give him credit for that one. He says that he’ll be back, and he’ll be wearing headgear. Resisting the helmet joke here … he asks, “will it be a mandanna?” We’ll have to wait and see. Oh there’s a great catch; let’s vote Jase back in so we can see his new headgear.
Cowboy. Okay, I was all set to rip into Cowboy, ’cause he’s truly comedy gold. But dang it, the guy is so incredibly sincere and honest, it’s like making fun of the handicapped. I can’t do it. At least not yet. Give it time; I’ll be recapping the live feeds, so I’m sure it’s coming. He says that he’s the only Cowboy so far to be on Big Brother, and talks about how shocking it was to find his sister in the house and learn about his real father.
Cowboy says that he came so close last time to winning the $500,000, and now that he’s had a taste of it, he wants to come back and give it a good fight. His face is so earnest, it’s hard not to root for the guy. I won’t be voting for you Cowboy, but good luck.
Nakomis. Wow. I saw the “leaked” list that appeared briefly on the CBS site (more about that here), but I still didn’t believe that Nak would try again. But here she is, with teal hair and white roots, explaining that her relationship with Cowboy is sort of “on again, off again” since they have so little in common.
She thinks that people didn’t take her seriously the first time around, but she tried to play the “snake in the grass”. She studied the other people’s strategies to try and find holes. She’s ready to bring her game this time and try to win it all.
Diane. Diane still looks exactly the same, but I guess it hasn’t been that long since she was on the show. She says that being a ruthless bitch is a good way to play the game, and she’s no “pansy-ass”. Diane is yet another one who let her judgment be clouded by “love” when she fell for Drew, who ultimately booted her from the house. (This is, of course, accompanied by clips of Diane and Drew making out, and then Drew’s decision to take Cowboy to the end instead of Diane.)
Diane regrets hooking up with Drew, since it cost her the game. She says that we all know she would have won if it hadn’t been for Drew. Hmm, let’s think this through – if she hadn’t been all snuggly with Drew, she likely would have been gone much earlier. Anyway, she wants to try again, and will be playing for nobody but herself.
15 down and 5 to go. Julie, who is now upstairs in the house, says that the Head of Household room will have new perks this season. Interesting. She tells us that season six, the “Summer of Secrets”, was the most volatile season yet with the house divided into two clear sides. The “Friendship” alliance, according to the CBS polls, was the most hated group of people in BB history. No kidding. Keeping that in mind, here are our nominees from season six.
Howie. Oh boy Howie! Here’s another one that I like for reasons that have nothing to do with strategy. For some reason though, nothing is said about Howie’s boneheaded decision to nominate James and Sarah during his tenure as HoH. He calls himself the “best looking houseguest in the history of Big Brother”, and we get clips of him admiring his muscles and the bodies of the female hamsters.
Hurricane Howie talks about busting out on “Busto”, and his Jedi skills. He says that his skills have doubled since the last time we saw him, and that the All Star house without Howie would be like a day without sunshine. Heh, you go beefcake Howie. He asks us to bring him back, and he’ll find another Busto.
Kaysar. Raise your hand if you’re surprised. Me neither. The segment kicks off with a couple of “What up, Kaysar!” clips. Kaysar was the first Muslim houseguest, and his goal was to raise awareness and take down the stereotypes. When the Friendship started treating him like someone they could take advantage of, he took out Cappy and the game was on.
After being evicted and brought back into the house, Kaysar admits that he made a gross error in judgment in trusting Jennifer to keep her word, and he was unceremoniously evicted a second time. He says that he was evicted way too early and wants another chance. I like Kaysar, but I think he’s going to really need to kick up the strategy thing if he wants to last more than a couple of weeks in this house.
Ivette. Here’s another one that surprised me initially. Ivette says that maybe she should have toned things down a little in the house, but she is who she is and she can’t control it. Cue the clips of Ivette threatening to “go Cuban on your ass”. She’s quick to point out that the Friendship is no longer, and that her only regret is that she stuck with those people when her gut told her they were bad. Her father started telling her how awful they were the minute she walked out of the house.
Ivette says that coming that close to the money still hurts, and now she wants another shot at it. She asks us not to lump her in with the Nerd Herd and let her play as an individual. Hmm. That’s something to think about, although she did latch on to Cappy like he was the second coming. I’m taking away a few brownie points for that alone.
James. James says that he was the most feared and hated person in the house. I guess that’s true if you’re only polling the houseguests, but the audience likely felt differently. His strategy was to play both sides, and he lied through his teeth the entire time. We get clips of him swearing on the bible, and then saying that he didn’t – here, he admits that he did.
James had to win four vetoes to keep himself in the game, but when the entire house came together to evict him it wasn’t enough and he was outta there. He wants to go back in with the same strategy, but this time he plans to win.
Janelle. “Buxom plus brains is a deadly combination.” Janelle is the same old Janie that we saw last season. She talks about Michael, and how she hooked up with him. “He kissed me upside down. How embarrassing!” She says that she really liked him, but once she got out of the house she realized that she didn’t really like him at all. Ouch.
Janelle says that all the hatred in the house started after Jennifer broke her word to Kaysar (actually, I think it was before that, but whatever). Everyone hated Janie, so she just told them what she thought of them. Now we get clips of some of my favourite moments in the house. “Rachel, you’re so beautiful. Maggie, you’re such a bitch.” Giggle. And Janie drinking wine and yelling “Whore! Whore!” at a quickly retreating Beau. Ah, the memories. She says that she tried her hardest to win everything she could to keep herself in the house. She wants to go back in and try again.
And thus ends the list. Julie explains that you can go to CBS.com to enter your vote, and the polls will be open for one week. On July 6th, we’ll all be tuning in to find out who is entering the house. The houseguests themselves will be finding out then too, so it should be pretty tense!
Each potential houseguest gets a couple of final seconds to make a plea. Jase asks who we will hate if he doesn’t get in the house, and Erika promises to bring her bikinis. For the next week, the 20 hamsters will be appearing on The Early Show and “all across the country”, campaigning for votes.
Ah, it feels good to be covering Big Brother again, and already knowing the personalities of these folks makes it all the more entertaining. It should be an interesting mix of people entering the house next month, and I can’t wait to get this thing going!
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So, who will you be voting for? And what do you think of the list? I’d love to hear from you, so hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll dish! Or, head over to the forums and share your thoughts.
Don’t forget to check back next week, when we’ll unveil our Big Brother pool.