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Freelance writer, webmaster of realityshack.com, chief editor at applemagazine.com, contribtor to TechLife News and maketecheasier.com, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.

And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV: 8th And Ocean, A Forgettable Address


– Christina M. Rau/GatsbyGirl

Once upon a time in the not so distant past, a so-called brilliant mind at MTV pondered new programming ideas. Suddenly, a light bulb flickered ever so dimly above the brilliant mind’s head. The exec thought to himself, “I know what the world needs now—another show about self-absorbed models!” And so, “8th and Ocean” was born. Why is it called “8th and Ocean”? Because that’s the address of the apartment where all the models live. How clever! And also because “Laguna Beach with Models Instead of Whiny Rich Kids” is too long for a show title.

The biggest drama that happens on the show is acne. No, I’m serious. One of the models has a break out and she’s told not to go on go-sees (that’s model lingo for interviews—and I learned that from Tyra Banks on ANTM). She goes anyway and the agency people freak out because “all she has is her face” and it was for a beauty ad and how can she sell beauty when she’s got that hideous acne all over the place. The girl has one zit and it’s a tragedy.

To make matters worse, she has a twin who does not have bad skin and has a better portfolio. Drama ensues once more in the form of a voiceover from behind closed doors when Twin with Good Skin tells Twin with Bad Skin, “We are not the same person!” You tell her, Good Skin Twin!

Obligatorily, there’s a fiendish boy model who has an ego larger than all of South Beach. He’s late to everything. He misses go-sees. And still, he’s a hot property. Everyone wants him. Which makes his ego grow. And he’s so so very smug. He’s got a permanent sneer on his face that I thought went out with Billy Idol. Apparently, I was wrong.

Then there’s the love affair. Pretty girl longs for cute shy boy. Cute shy boy will not give pretty girl time of day. Because she’s so pretty and he’s so shy.

And don’t worry about bulimia or anorexia with these models. The head of the agency tells one of the models that she’s too skinny. She needs to put on weight. Because she’s in her mid-twenties (translate: OLD) and she can’t be that skinny any more (because she’s OLD and DECREPIT).

Cut back to bad skin twin who declares that no one will make her stay home alone in her apartment! No one!

I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show I hate this show.

But at least it’s not Laguna Beach.

[b]And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV[/b]: All the world’s problems come into perspective. Too skinny with one tiny pimple and a model is no good any more. Too skinny with one tiny pimple for the rest of us? Life is just grand. Almost makes you feel bad for models, huh? Almost, but not quite.

So I watch it when it’s on. To develop a sense of sympathy for all the pretty people. No, not really. I just watch it when there’s nothing else on and I’m too tired to do anything else. And I keep reminding myself, at least it’s not Laguna Beach–but it’s close to it, which is dangerous territory.

[i]Disclaimer[/i]: I went to Germany last week for a five and a half day well deserved vacation. On Day Two, I got incredibly sick. I was sick through the last day, during which it snowed about two inches. I got home two days ago and I am still sick now. Hence the over-sensitivity to stupidity and shallowness along with the rather short column this week.

Do you dare?: Email Christina@realityshack.com or visit http://christinamrau.blogspot.com.


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