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Dad Gone It. I Was Hopin' Not To Have To Go To Russia. – The Amazing Race 9, Episode 3


by LauraBelle

You know what I’m thinking? I’m thinking a million dollars is worth a lot more than a piece of ass. I’m glad at some point tonight Eric and Jeremy learned that. I’m also thinking they’ll get a second chance at a piece of ass before they get a second chance at a million dollars. And that piece of ass, doesn’t even seem like it’s that good anyway.

BJ and Tyler leave Brotas, Brazil at 4:48 AM. Tyler thinks the other teams assume they aren’t just happy go lucky hippies tat walk around naked all the time. They are very determined to finish first in this race. Their first clue of this leg of the race will have them driving in their VW Bugs to a farm where they will descend down a 300 foot zip line.

After “spending the evening” with Double D, Eric and Jeremy set off at 5:01 AN. Eric decides they’re going the distance in the VW Bug, and thinks he should then name it Danielle. He admits he and Jeremy had fun with Double D, but for he rest of race it has to be him and Jeremy. Joseph and Monica leave at 5:18 with her being impressed with Joseph staying calm and optimistic. He’s just kind of a non-entity to me right now, so it’s hard to judge. Dave and Lori leave ten minutes later, and Lori admits they aren’t very well-traveled outside the US. She grew up in Kansas after all. People in Kansas don’t travel?

One at the farm, BJ and Tyler find it opens at 7:00 AM. Eric and Jeremy are happy to see the hippies, but don’t know if they should trust them just yet. As Dave and Lori arrive, BJ and Tyler jump on the top of their VW Bug.

Ry and Yolanda set off more than an hour later than Dave and Lori at 6:31. He says they have been dating for five years long distance, and this race will give them a chance at getting to know each other much better. Just one minute later Wanda and Desiree leave. Wanda hopes her stomach can handle it, and Desiree says again about her mother not being good handling stressful situations. Foreshadowing anyone? Lake and Michelle leave at 7:06, and he says Michelle is starting to see the game that he saw in the first leg. They get in some argument, but it’s hard to tell what it’s about through their accents. A minute later Double D leave, saying they aren’t going to play with their muscles or bodies. They are going to play with their hearts, then bodies, then boobs. Which of those items do you think it was that captured Eric and Jeremy’s attention? Driving to the farm, Michelle tries to give Lake some helpful directions, and he tells her to shut up. He then gets lost. They haven’t even left the coffee plantation yet really, and are lost again.

The first to descend the zip line are BJ and Tyler. As he goes down, BJ oddly exclaims, “Wow, moo cow.” They receive a clue telling them to fly to Moscow, Russia and travel to the Chaika Bassein, a water facility where Olympic athletes train. But first, they need to travel to the bus depot, and take the next available time for a charter back to the San Paolo airport. Wow, moo cow. Eric/Jeremy and Joseph/Monica zip without incident, but Lori begins freaking out about it, but does it. As Dave gets ready to zip, he says, “1, 2, 3, skidoo.” I’ll have to ask some elderly people later today what exactly that is supposed to mean.

Lake, still lost in the coffee plantation, stands on top of the car and proclaims that they are definitely going the wrong way. You think? Michelle tells him he’s popping the hood, but he’s really popping the top of the car, not the hood. At 8:24, finally Fran and Barry leave, and aren’t happy to be last, but are happy to be on the race. Ray/Yolanda and Wanda/Desiree both descend the zip line.

BJ an Tyler are the first at the bus depot, and receive a 9:15 departure, as do Eric/Jeremy, Joseph/Monica and Dave/Lori. Just after Double D does the zip line, Lake and Michelle finally arrive and zip as well. Opening the clue, Lake says, “Dad gone it. I was hopin’ not to have to go to Russia.” As Double D arrive at the bus depot, Eric and Jeremy are picking “stickers” off their shirts, and discuss who went back to bed after they parted ways the night before.

Fran and Barry do the zip line as Lake and Michelle fight while driving to the depot. They end up getting a 10:00 departure as dod Double D. Fran and Barry arrive, and are the only ones on the 10:45 bus.

BJ and Tyler are the first to arrive at the airport, but it doesn’t matter, as they, and everyone else, including Fran and Barry, end up on the same Lufthansa flight arriving n Mmosco at 12:10. It’s yet another Amazing Race equalizer.

Double D get directions to the Chaika Bassein from someone on the flight, and share the information with Eric and Jeremy. Fran and Barry attempt to get directions once they land, and given the language barrier, Fran ends up doing the swim in a little bit of charades. Please don’t let me see her do the Monkee. Joseph/Monica and Dave/Lori have struck up a friendship and share a taxi. And once again, it’s BJ and Tyler with the quote of the moment as they say something about the bitter chill killing Napoleon’s turnips. Did I hear that right?

It’s also BJ and Tyler still in the lead as they reach the Chaika Bassein first. They find a roadblock where one member of each team will need to put on a bathing suit and jump ten meters off the high dive at the pool. they then need to dive to the bottom of the pool for a clue. I’m not naming names, but there’s several people here I really don’t want to see in a bathing suit. If Fran does it though, and starts doing her swim charades, she may be asked to do the remake of Beach Blanket Bingo.

Frank and Barry indeed are the next team to arrive at the road block, followed by Ray and Yolanda. Yolanda had already committed to doing the road block when she found out she’d be swimming. The fact that she can’t swim creates a problem. Can I ask why you go to a swimming pool and commit to he road block before you know what it is when you know you can’t swim?

Tyler is the one one make the jump, and it’s kind of cool because the cold weather is causing steam to come off the pool. He receives a clue sending his team to the Novodevichiy (it’s these moments that make me appreciate my TIVO, that I can pause on this to copy down the spelling. Otherwise I’m left to google it for hours trying to decipher Phil’s accent with the correct spelling) Monastery. Once there, they need to find the Cathedral of the Virgin. Will Double D be barred from entering?

Lake and Michelle arrive in fourth place, and they argue about who will do the road block. Lake will do the jump. Eric and Jeremy, having teamed with Double D find themselves in fifth and sixth place. I t h ink they were better off teamed with the hippies. Joseph/Monica, Dave/Lori, and Wanda/Desiree arrive in seventh, eighth, and ninth place.

Barry does the jump with Fran yelling, “Do the dive we learned! … You didn’t learn it well enough!” Yolanda is still freaking out, and Ray asks if she can dog paddle. She says yes. Michelle encourages Yolanda, and she eventually jumps off. Word to the wise, if caught going on the Race with someone you don’t know well, find out if they can drive stick, read a map and at least dog paddle.

Lake jumps, and one each of Eric/Jeremy and Double D jump, but I still can’t tell them apart. Eric and Jeremy line up a taxi and tell the driver to wait for the pretty girls with big boobs. I wonder how you say that in Russian. Lake is upset about having to wear a Speedo, and Michelle notes he looked good in it. Monica and Lori both do the jump, and Wanda does as well, while holding her nose. She has trouble diving down in the water because of a fear of deep water. Again, why are you doing this challenge? She’s worried she’s going to drown and starts freaking out and crying. Eventually she finishes it, with all the locals cheering. Desiree says she is very proud. They think they are very behind.

Meanwhile Double D realize they left a backpack back at the road block. Eric and Jeremy finally wise up and ditch the girls to send them back to get the pack as they continue on. This is the lowest they have been in the race, so it’s probably a good idea. As Wanda and Desiree leave, they see “the pinks” arriving to get the pack, and realize they’re still in it.

BJ and Tyler arrive at the Smolenski Cathedral and find it gorgeous. They are met with a Detour – Scrub or Scour. In Scrub, the teams will need to travel to the trolley depot, and wash a trolley inside and out. In Scour, teams will travel to a theatre and tear through a pile of nesting dolls looking for one out of ten microscopic clues hidden inside the nesting dolls. From past Race watching experience, I am yelling, “Don’t do the dolls!” Those challenges never turn out well. If Fran and Barry pick this Detour over the other I will have lost all hope for them.

Ray and Yolanda know where the theatre is, as they passed it on their way from the airport, so they head for that challenge. I’d say that’s pretty heads up to watch for sights while driving around to help you later. Eric and Jeremy experience a language barrier problem, and their driver doesn’t know where he’s going. Maybe they need to talk about boobs again. Fran and Barry originally headed to the trolley depot, but couldn’t find tit, and switched to go back to the nesting dolls. Sigh.

BJ and Tyler are driving around lost, while Lake/Michelle, Ray/Yolanda and Eric/Jeremy all look through the nesting dolls. Eric and Jeremy sing, “I’m in Russia, playing with dolls.” Lake and Michelle indicate they were going to do the trolley, but followed Ray and Yolanda, and ended up here, forcing they to tell Lake and Michelle to “pick your own damn Detour.”

Joseph/Monica and Dave/Lori drive to the theatre, and are lost. Wanda and Desiree arrive at the cathedral in front of Double D and decide to do Scrub. They watch Double D arrive and let their taxi go, and know that was a mistake on their part.

Back at the nesting dolls, Eric finds the clue and refuses to show Lake what it looks like. They receive a clue sending them to St. Basil’s Cathedral to meet Phil, and they’re assuming it’s the pit stop. Lake and Michele find the clue shortly after. Dave/Lori and Joseph/Monica are still driving around. Wanda and Desiree arrive at the trolleys and start scrubbing. The Pinks arrive just after them. Double D proclaims that they wish they were still in Brazil. After the night you had with Eric and Jeremy, I’m sure you do.

Fran and Barry arrive at the dolls, with Ray saying it’s like being in an Easter Egg hunt, then finds the clue. BJ and Tyler eventually find the theatre and begin the search. Fran thinks they could have had two trolleys washed in this time. Double D believe they have finished cleaning the trolley, but are told it’s not good enough. Dave/Lori and Joseph/Monica find the clue, and are off. BJ asks the dancers at the theatre for a lucky dance, and just after, Tyler finds the clue.

Eric and Jeremy beat Lake and Michelle to Phil, only to find out this leg isn’t over. Phil hands them their next clue, and the show ends. I love it when they do that. If Eric and Jeremy are smart, they’ll either go it alone or pair back up with the hippies. Double D slowed them down, and the million is worth more than getting a little tail in Moscow. And when they were with the hippies, they could all depend on each other. When one was lost, the other would find it, and vice versa. However, if I was the hippies, I wouldn’t trust them now. They’re now in the middle of the pack after Eric and Jeremy abandoned them. I’d go it alone from hereon out.

Read more about other shows at LauraBelle’s Blog

Comments on Ame? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com


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