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Gooolden Boooooooy! – Survivor: Guatemala, Episode 5


by atarus

We start off this particular episode by hearing Steph whine about how she’s “so sick of Tribal Council.” Duh. And then we immediately go to Judd and Margaret arguing. Judd says in a voice-over “Brooke was the one that was voted out, and I feel good about it.” Judd goes into some rant about how they’re all there to win a million dollars, blah blah. Margaret keeps says “sure, Judd, ok Judd” without really counter-arguing. Judd’s rant seems to be self-spawned, as if maybe he feels guilty and is trying to justify his actions to himself? Judd, you are not a good liar. Sorry.

On Yaxha, Blake says that he has a pretty good shot and the odds worked out better for him. He likes Amy, Brian, and Gary but they have to know there is a target on their backs if the tribe loses. We then see a couple culture clashes. Brandon says that “Amy’s never been camping, I’m from Kanses, I’m used to more farming type people, rednecks and hicks.” Amy feels she is the odd man out, as everybody is talking about farming and stuff and she has no idea. Brian complains that his tribe is “very Texas” and “not my style, they’re good people just not people I’m used to hanging out with.” And then Brian talks about how the tribe is a very religious tribe and they thank Jesus for everything, but he’s not about to say “nah, I don’t want to thank Jesus for this meal.” You’d think this observation would be common sense for Survivor by now, but some players…

It’s reward challenge time! Basically, there are two stations. The first station one person has to saw through two ropes with a rock, then at the second station they have to chop through a log with a machete…both stations drop two handles…then four other people have to take the handles and move a turnstile and bring a cart up the hill. Then those six people get on the cart and the seventh person chops the rope and they ride the cart down to the end of the hill. I imagine when Mark Burnett thought of this challenge, he imagined a close race where both of the carts sped down the hill side-by-side. Sadly, this challenge was far from that.

Brandon chops through the rope like it was nothing. He seriously just flies through it. Then Bobby Jon hacks away at the log. Yaxha just decimates Nakum, as they pull the cart up and ride it back down before Jamie even cuts through the ropes with the rock. When Jamie finally cuts through the rope, he asks if the rest of the tribe wants to finish but Steph says exasperatedly “It’s over, Jamie. It’s over!” This scene kind of reminded me of an owner scolding a puppy dog. Jamie looked like he really wanted to ride that cart regardless but Steph was all “Bad boy, no treat!”

Amy says the reward is spectacular. Yaxha gets margaritas, chips and guacamole dip, and oh a croccodile-proof pool to lounge in. I must admit THAT is a reward. Good job Burnett, you came up with a great reward. Brandon says that he’s not trying to take all the credit for the win, but everybody else seems to be giving it to him. Gary says “Brandon used that rock like an axe, we have a new superhero on our team.” Brian says Yaxha is on cloud nine, and then we switch to Nakum, where Judd is saying that he saw in people’s faces “what the hell did he (Jamie, I assume) do?” But for once, Judd has a bright idea and says we’re a team and you can’t blame anybody. However, he then is Judd and starts blaming and bullying Cindy, telling her that if she knows something she better step up and say it. Cindy, in a confessional, states that “Judd was mouthin’ off” and then says that some people are just going out of their way to irritate the other ones. Meanwhile, the Stephenie Self-Pity Party has come into town. She says she’s “happy for Bobby Jon” that he’s winning, but she thinks it’s obnoxious and she’s jealous, and then says he “cheers like a girl” and he’s acting “gay.” **Watches Steph’s popularity on CBS drop even more** Steph then says “Jamie is a cocky guy” and he “got his ass beat by a 22 year old farm boy.” How old is Jamie, 24? Jeez, Steph. She then goes on a spiel about how “I’m never going to cry in front of them.” If CBS was trying to get us to feel sorry for her, I’m sorry, but she was just too obnoxious to get any pity from me. I’m pretty sure the days of “root for Steph because she’s trying hard and is just stuck on a bad team” are over, and it’s more “hate Steph because all she does is whine about how bad her team sucks.”

At Yaxha, we witness them struggling through a rain storm…well, everybody but Brian and Blake who manage to sleep THROUGH the storm underneath the shelter. Amy says she came up with the nickname “Golden Boy” for Blake because he always comes out looking golden. Brandon states that Blake talks about himself all the time, like Captain America. There is a lot of boob talk from Blake. Brian says that he’s invented a new game called “Bait Blake” where he gets Blake to say stupid stuff. He knows Blake is digging himself into a hole, and he’s doing everything he can to make sure he has a shovel. At Yaxha, Steph is STILL whining about having to “get this bad luck away from me.” Lydia, on the other hand, takes positive action and starts acting goofy, doing “the pancake” to entertain the tribe and get them motivated. Jamie’s comment is priceless though, saying “it looks like you’re having a seizure.”

Onwards to the immunity challenge. The tribes have two tarps which are each manned by three people. The seventh person has to shoot a ball out and the teams have to try and catch it with the tarp. The first tribe to catch five balls wins immunity. Brian is the ball-thrower for Yaxha, Lydia for Nakum. It’s actually close for a bit. Yaxha catches one, Lydia misses everybody, Nakum steals one of Yaxha’s, a nice bit of defense stops Yaxha from getting theirs. Then it gets tied up as each side catches a ball. But then Nakum catches three in a row to win immunity (and stop Steph’s whining, which I think is a better prize, at least for us viewers). Jamie yells “who’s smiling now!” several times at Yaxha, and Bobby Jon yells “YOU!” in his Tarzan-like manner, but still looks a bit disappointed to lose. But at least he’s not complaining.

Gary and Brian have a pow-wow, and they have to get somebody to vote for Blake since he’s on the fringes. Gary talks to Bobby Jon and Bobby Jon is honest and tells them that he gave Blake his word and he doesn’t want to go back on it. Bobby Jon then says in a confessional and says that he listens to Gary and he’s smart, and “there are some times where I’m going to have to switch my vote,” but he doesn’t believe this is one of those times. Danni, however, is less stalwart and says that “the team will be better without him.” Brandon tells Danni he isn’t going to vote for Blake. Danni says that “everybody’s fed up with him” and she doesn’t like the frat boy stuff.

At TC, Jeff asks questions, as per usual. Gary says the storm was terrible and Brian and Blake slept through it. Amy yells out “Goooolden Booooooy!” and everybody laughs. When asked about his being down-and-out, Blake says that he’s got the wind back in his sails now. Amy says she’s thinking that the tribe is one group and forgetting about the previous tribes. Brian says if he goes it’s because he’s victim of being in a minority. Bobby Jon says every TC is hard because you’re ending somebody’s dream and he doesn’t like ending somebody’s dream.

Brian votes for Blake, says “you may be Golden Boy, but I’m platinum.” Good lord that’s an awful quote. Brandon votes for Brian, Gary votes for Blake, and Blake votes for Brian, saying “you’re the weakest right now.”

The votes are tallied, and it’s a 5-2 vote against Blake. Looks like Bobby Jon switched his vote after all.

Next time, Margaret and Judd can’t get along (shock!), Amy gets hurt AGAIN (double shock!) and Bobby Jon and Jamie get into a fight (BAHAHAHAHA!)

Blake had final words, but I was too busy laughing at the Bobby Jon/Jamie confrontation. My roommate commented “they look like roosters!” and I must agree. I cannot WAIT to see Tarzan and Tarzan Jr. square off. Until next week!


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