home Survivor Survivor: Brains vs. Beauty vs. Brawn II – Stupid Juries and Mark the Chicken

Survivor: Brains vs. Beauty vs. Brawn II – Stupid Juries and Mark the Chicken

Hi guys. Miss me?

Life and Survivor. You never know what twists each one are going to deliver in your direction. Super Idols. New marriage. Voting out jury members. Fun new jobs. Chickens outlasting all but three Survivors. New careers. Hopefully, one day I can be back being your regular Survivor writer – but life keeps throwing me twists. And unlike the ones I kept getting in 2012-14…these are really frigging good ones.

One thing that is not a Survivor twist…Stupid Bitter Jury Syndrome. Honestly. I watched this season – and can anyone really tell me how Michele won this season as opposed to Aubry? Michele played a blander version of Sandra’s Anyone But Me strategy. How did this happen? I honestly think that Aubry played one of the best games in years. Michele explained her victory as having to prove she was smart. Really? If you have to prove to the jury that you aren’t an idiot…well, how can you be the winner?

How did she lose? She lost 5-2 because all of Beauty and Brawn voted for Michele. Aubry kicked their ass, and they didn’t like getting their ass kicked by the geek who started the season crying from the heat. I was especially stunned by Cydney’s vote for Michele – I can only guess that came from Aubry choosing to vote out the bigger threat. I some seasons the jury would see that as a badge of respect. Some years…they don’t. I thought Aubry rocked this season and really nailed the jury questions. But they had no interest in rewarding her – egos are a crazy thing.

I mean – tell me one thing that Michele did this season? We have 31 winners in Survivor history – and the one person who is probably the most thrilled about this result is Natalie White. She is no longer on the bottom of the list.

So, Aubry didn’t win Survivor – but she won this Survivor writer’s respect. And I really hope that she gets a Second Chance someday.

A few thoughts about this season and the Reunion Show.
• Strangest thing ever – the weird Oreo Cookie woman with the money for Tai and the animals. And then Drew Carey for some reason. These reunions keep getting weirder and weirder.
• Really. The hungry overheated people didn’t eat the chicken. That’s one thing I didn’t see coming.
• It should surprise no one who watched this season to learn that this one was in the can prior to the fan vote season. It may have been one of the more blah seasons of Survivor. It didn’t suck, but it wasn’t amazing. It was kind of there. It delivered the right points. It had some crazy. But…will you remember it? I have a feeling it will forever land right in the middle of all season rankings. It’s the Fulcrum Season.
• As much as I loved Aubry’s game, and weirdness of Tai’s game, and the damn chicken, the true star of this season was the brutality of Cambodia’s weather. THAT’s what fans will remember of this season. The weather, the injuries, the bug in the ear. Not the people and gameplay – and that’s not a good thing. However, this season should be the one that is shown to anyone who is considering applying for the show. It’s real. It’s brutal. It’s Survivor. And it’s awesome.
• Hmm…how do I put this so it clears the censors? How about some rhyming codes. The words rhyme with Flooshbag and Massholes. Got it? I’m tired of seeing flooshbags and massholes on Survivor. Mansplaining and bullying sucks in actual reality, so why are we getting helping doses of it in fake reality? I think there is reason I’ve wound up rooting for women and nerds on the show, because the other options have too often been terrible.
• Dog the Bounty Hunter and Scrub NBA Player are unwatchable. So horrible. I hated them from the beginning with the way they treated Alecia. That’s her name. Don’t be a masshole, use her damn name. One of the best parts of the season was seeing the little guy take them down.
• I assume Tai gets the first shot at returning. And I want Aubry back, of course. I’m also a big fan of Crazy Debbie. Sorry, Eccentric Debbie. The Swiss Army Knife lady. She did everything. I was kind of hoping she’d go far – but, oh well. Probst called her Rupert and Coach. She’s more Coach than Rupert – but that’s not fair to Debbie. I think it’s fair to say that there is no other Debbie out there.
• GI Joe. He didn’t do much as far as compelling TV goes, but honestly, I loved GI Joe. He’s 71 and he is effing ripped. Come on! This dude. I doubt I could last a day on this show and he had to be pulled because he ate too much beef after a month. I can honestly say he could probably kick my ass, and yours, but he wouldn’t unless he had to.
• For the record, Cydney was my Survivor girlfriend this season. Hoo boy – that lady has quite the body. Wow. Wow. Wow. She could kick our ass too.
• One regret – I didn’t write this season’s early episodes so I could continually say “Thanks, Obama” whenever Peter did something.
• Next season? Fiji again. 20 people. Generational battle as Gen X takes on the Millennials. And it is KILLING me that Gen X is now the old guys. We used to be the slackers and the cool ones. Why can’t the Baby Boomers get in there too? I don’t want to be the old guys – even if I am. Crap. I hope I can write next season – but it’s going to be tough.
• Another for the record, I am happy Namesake won the Fan Vote season, because I doubt I’ll ever win. Even if I would have voted for Spencer. That season was so good. I want to see another group of Survivors who’ve only had one shot and never won. Oh? You want my casting? Sure. 10 dudes – Tai, Josh, Troyzan, Rice, Marty, Ian, Frosti, Edgardo, Shane, Hogeboom 10 ladies – Aubry, Debbie, Carolyn, Jaclyn, Katie C, Lisa, RC, Chelsea, Christina, Natalie T. I would love to also see Vanuatu Chris get another shot – but that may have to wait until a winners season.
• Maybe one day both Laura and I will be writing for the Shack at the same time again. One can dream.
• Ok – so that’s my short respite from work and chores. To quote the immortal former Governor of California and new, not crazy host of Celebrity Apprentice…”I’ll be back.”